The Targeted Parent Might Makes It Easier

Parent Victims May Inadvertently Contributing To Alienation

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The Targeted Parent

Although my personal experience involved a carefully designed alienation strategy that that nurtured strong feelings of hate for me and my two children's extended family.  It makes sense to me that their father could more easily alienate the children because their relationship never involved what most parents consider responsible parenting.  When my youngest turned 14 she chose to live with her father because he was the "fun"parent.

He never disciplined the children, he never seemed to care about school, her health, her friends, etc.  He took her on weekends and the occasional vacation but somehow he used his time to convince my daughter that she was better off because with him because he set no limits or demanded any restrictions. When she visited, which was not often, I learned that he did not require her to brush her teeth, take showers, or make an effort to form friendships.  Once he won he even stopped with vacation trips.  All that mattered was that he hurt me after 10 years of divorce.

When I learned that 70% of alienation accusations were leveled by mothers who had residence of the child I could not even understand the motivation until I began to research and understand pathological personality disorders as well the characteristic referred to by Max Weber as "Charismatic Authority."  It seemed to me that the non-resident parent had an advantage but I was wrong.  The reality defies logic because the alienator attacks the Target parent due to personality disorders, the rage leading to a need for revenge, a fear of abandonment, and fear that the alienator is essentially stealing the child from the target.

In any case there are factors that make the process more difficult for the Target parent.  Thy include the following:

  • HARSH AND RIGID PARENTING STYLE:   Targeted  parents that are rejected by their children have demonstrated an excessive harshness, lack of empathy, and rigidity in their parenting style that my not be serious enough to be considered emotional or physical abuse.  If such accusations are charged against the targeted parent  the allegations may resonate with the child, making the alienation process much easier.  Normally, strict and rigid parenting may cause problems in adolescence but rarely are they sufficient cause for complete rejection with a motivating force exploiting the situation.
  • REJECTED PARENT IS SELF-CENTERED:  Traditionally,  one parent ( usually the mother) assumes a more significant role in the routine process of raising children.  In such cases the risk of becoming a targeted parent increases if the alienator begins to cast the target as self-centered and immature.  For instance, if the targeted parent is the father, the mother may begin a series of relentless reminders that he was out playing golf instead of attending the child's soccer games. The child has almost certainly noticed the father's behavior but becomes willing to reject him when it is explained that he failed to attend various functions because he really doesn't love the child. Again, the father's behavior may not be much different and the extent of rejection can only be explained by the relentless denigration heaped on the father by the alienating mother.
  • REJECTED PARENT IS CRITICAL AND EXERTS GREAT PRESSUREIn a high-conflict custody dispute, the behavior of a parent who exerts too much pressure or demands too much from a child may come back to haunt them. Such behaviors might take on new meaning and contribute to alienation.  Demands for straight As, perfection in athletic, or unwise and angry criticism of their children’s appearance and friends, although not rising to the level of emotional abuse, can easily contribute to the child’s alienation once a relentless campaign of denigration begins. It is possible that the alienated parent's behavior was a reaction to the perception alienating parent is far too permissive and undemanding. In turn, the alienator parent counteracts to the perceived harshness and overcompensates by becoming even more lenient or overprotective with the child.
  • DIMINISHED EMPATHY FOR THE ALIENATED CHILD:  The relentless barrage of denigration of the targeted parent by the alienator and child can eventually wear down the rejected parent.  The target eventually cannot differentiate the behaviors of their alienated child from the motivations and behaviors of the alienator parent.This lack of empathy or even subtle dismissal of the child’s feelings can lead to intensified fury in the child and can further deepen the alienation.  In their anger toward the alienator for creating the child’s alienation, they may develop little empathic connection with the child and cannot be emotionally available to their child even when they raise legitimate complaints.  And so, the alienation is complete.

Table of Contents

Alienator Personality Types And Parental Alienation
Alienator Personality Types Perpetrate Parental Alienation
Personality Disorders And Parental Alienation
Personality Disorders Play A Significant Role In Parent Alienation
Convergent Emotional Disorders
The convergence Of Emotional Disorders Can Be The Key To Parental Alienation
Family Dynamics' Significance In Alienation
Family Dynamics And Individual Personalities Are Significant Factors In Parental Alienation
Child Advocacy Is Failing Families Battling Against Parental Alienation
Child Advocacy is Is Failing Families Battling Against Parental Alienation
Therapeutic Intervention In Parental Alienation
Early Therapeutic Intervention May Prevent Parent Alienation
Parental Alienation Destroyed My Family
A Carefully Executed Plan Of Parental Alienation Destroyed My Family
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